Question:
Is it permissible, in cases of need, for a couple to have relations with the light on in the room? For example, if it’s difficult to turn off light such as if it’s far away from the bed, or if a couple finds that it ruins the excitement and momentum of the experience because they have to interrupt their intimacy to reach over to the turn off the light. I was wondering the same about being covered with a sheet/blanket during relations. I would appreciate sources if possible.
Thanks so much!
Answer:
The Mishna (Kallah Rabosi 1-22), and Shulchan Aruch O”CH 240-say that during relations (penetration) that we are not allowed to do it when there is a light on in the room. NOt only that but it is dangerous to their children. I am not aware of a heter, because it will temporarily delay the momentum. The same way, in preparation for entry the couple might take care of their needs, such as adjust the pillows, blanket, or place a towel underneath themselves, even though it stalls the momentum somewhat. So too the couple has a need to fulfill the halacha. Aside from this, we have to remember that although relations is pleasurable, let’s not forget that it essentially is a mitzva, and this mitzva adds kedusha to our marriage, and kedusha to our children. When the couple will stall entry for the 2-3 seconds that it takes to close the light, or cover themselves, it is making a declaration that we are doing this because H-shem wants us to, and we are doing it the way He wants. This adds a new dimension to your relationship, and IY”H it will have a positive effect on your children.
As a side point, with a little planning you can arrange to have a nightlight , on the side of your bed, so you don’t have to get out to shut the light off.
Best wishes
Sources:
Here are some sources
כלבו (סי’ קי”ח) – “ארבעה דברים העושה אותן דמו בראשו היושב בצלו של מת והעומד ערום לפני הנר והמכבה את הנר בפיו הרי זה נכפה והמשמש מטתו בפני הנר יוצאין ממנו בנים כעורים כפופים”.
כלה רבתי (פרק א’ הל’ כ”ב) – “המשמש מטתו לאור הנר, הויין ליה בנים נכפים”.
אורח חיים ר”מ ח’ ומ”ב ס”ק ל”ו
ופקדת נוך פ”ד אות ט’ וכ’.
