Question:
Shalom, Thank you for taking this very delicate question. Please clarify:
1. In a marriage, is all hotsa’as zera that does not come thru vaginal intercourse prohibited?
2. Are there any non-vaginal ways that a wife may cause her husband to motsi zera in a permissible way?
3. Are there grounds to say that if such is the enjoyment of both parties, then it is not considered l’vatala?
4. Also, are there grounds to say that if the husband does not do the hotsa’as zera himself, but rather is it done completely by the wife, that it is permissible since a woman does not have the issur of hotsa’as zera?
Thank you.
Answer:
- That is very correct, any hotzoas zera that is not inside of the vagina, (unless in certain cases where it is needed for medical reasons) it is considered l’vatala. This is why even if the wife will give the husband oral pleasure they have to be careful that ejaculation is done inside of her vagina
- Not that I know of, even anal sex, is generally frowned upon.
- I am not aware of any such heter, a couple can not just do whatever they want based on the fact that they both like it. A man’s zera contains neshamos, and to cause him to be motzei zera levatala is akin to killing these neshamos. ust because the couple both have pleasure out of it, will not make it permissible.
- As in question 2, if the wife will give the husband oral sex, and the husband doesn’t participate he must still make sure that his zera does not get wasted. Besides, even if the wife causes the husband to pump out his zera, it is the husband who is doing the act of being motzei zera. In fact for the wife to do this would be lifnei iver, because she is causing the husband to do a great sin. This wasted zera was not wasted accidentally, but on purpose, because they knew that her stimulating him will cause him to lose zera.
Best wishes
